over and around the rainbow

So what does it mean that I have a referee shirt and a whistle in the church office? These things were gifted to me by the Bethel College Mennonite Church youth group. It was their way of thanking me for coming to all of their sporting events through the years. They also thought I was “ok” at keeping the group in line and out of trouble.  In case you’re worried, I don’t see the pastor as a referee of a church or of lives. If anything, I see myself as more of a crossing guard, someone who stands in the middle of many different intersections and hopefully directs traffic so that people stay safe and connected.

I might blow the whistle at times, but only when I’m frustrated with myself, not you. I’ve already told church staff not to take it personally.

As a little girl, I never liked the color pink. It was too girly of a color for me.

Now I embrace the color pink. And, one thing you will find me wearing at times is a pink bracelet. These bracelets were created by and for Pink Mennos. I respect their vision and strategy statements:

Vision– To achieve healing and hope for the Mennonite Church through the inclusion and welcome of lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender and queer (LGBTQ) individuals and their supporters.

Strategy – Pink Menno will remain a visible, vocal presence supporting, sustaining and furthering genuine dialogue. Pink Menno will be a nonviolent, loving, welcoming presence. Pink Menno will provide social, spiritual and emotional support for those experiencing exclusion or spiritual violence because of their sexual orientation or gender identity. Pink Menno will use laughter, music, poetry, color, artwork, quilts, fun, film, food, books, and whatever else is positive and uplifting to communicate our message.

When I’m not wearing the bracelet it will be resting on my computer speaker. It serves as a reminder for me to speak up and turn up the volume in my own efforts at inclusion. One way I have tried to speak up recently is by writing Charmed with courage

My friend and pastoral colleague, Nathan Koontz, wrote this blessing for my ordination, September 27, 2009. In an earlier conversation with Nathan I had told him the following story (clearly this story shaped the blessing):

At one point in my life I was feeling wounded in spirit. I was driving in the Flint Hills at the time when many fields were being burned. There were stretches where I couldn’t see more than 10 feet ahead of me. The smoke from these fires was getting into everything. It came through the vents in my car and filled up the car with smoke. It got on my clothes. I felt saturated in this smoke. And as I struggled to find my way slowly through this 10-mile stretch, I began comparing this smoke to the grief I was feeling. I thought about how grief or loss can so often cover or saturate everything, making it difficult to see more than 10 feet ahead.   I thought about how when we feel injured or physically limited, we often need to learn how to see again. We need to learn how to relate to our surroundings again and this process doesn’t necessarily come naturally or easily or quickly.

This pillow was made by several youth mentor pairs at Bethel College Mennonite Church. They gave it to me as a going away present. They said I could hug it when I was feeling lonely, punch it when I’m feeling angry, and cry into it when I’m feeling sad. Everyone needs a soft pillow to cry into.

One time I received an email from a woman on a Monday morning. She said that she was feeling particularly fragile the Sunday before and when the offering plate went by, she was sure one of her tear drops fell in right on top of the check that she had placed. She decided that was ok even if it smeared her check. That is because she believed God wants us to offer our whole selves in worship—smiles tears, all. Amen to that.

When I announced my resignation at Bethel College Mennonite Church, a church member promptly gave me this yellow duck, symbolizing my three month lame duck status. He then offered some colorful commentary on what distinguishes a lame pastor from a not-so-lame pastor. We agreed that keeping a sense of humor and playfulness is key, balancing that of course with depth and maturity. I’ll keep this duck, named “Lamo”  in my office for a season, to remind me and us to nurture humor and playfulness.

Yes, I have a commemorative basketball in the church office. And yes, I plan to shoot hoops in the park on a regular basis. Oh, and yes, I was part of the 1995-1996 Hillsboro High School state championship team. We won the previous year too for those who know your KS high school b-ball history. Our team motto that year was “Refuse to lose.” This motto was especially important since several of us got sick prior to the championship game. I was recovering from mononucleosis and two of my teammates had bronchitis (hence the lower scores :)).

I’ve had visions of hosting some b-ball clinics in Whitmore Park.

I’ve also had visions of Rainbow forming a team again for the annual Western District Conference tournament. Actually, Bethel College Mennonite Church has said we could form a team together. We were called the BCMC PaciFISTS (see picture). Hopefully actual fists won’t fly between our two churches. And no doubt we, too, will refuse to lose.

I am a 2007 graduate of Anabaptist Mennonite Biblical Seminary.

The same person who gave me LAMO the duck, gave me this hat. Notice that he wrote the A in with permanent marker. As far as I know this is a one-of-a-kind hat. I tried to convince the AMBS admissions department to make this part of their new recruitment/marketing plan. I failed. I trust AMBS won’t fail though. In fact, I am very happy with my seminary experience. Plus, AMBS continues to have an impact on my ministry through on-line learning and continuing education opportunities. I still have the Hebrew and Greek study books, although they have been relegated to the bottom shelf 😦